Baby Blase

I am writing this post after dinner with the grandparents – who have now become the kid’s absolute favorite human beings on the planet. We ate at FiftyFifty (for the third time this week – what? We have trade there!) and the kid was being ridiculously cute – more so than usual. This kid has become infinitely more cute AND more irritating in the last couple weeks.

I believe he has realized that there is a form of communication (you know – talking) going on out there in the world – that he understands but, that he cannot participate in and that SUCKS! So, even though he has the ability to convey a few words via sign language, his preferred method of communication is to YELL AT THE TOP OF HIS LUNGS:

“DAH. DAAAH. DAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”

Then when that doesn’t work:

“DAH. DAAAH. DAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”

again. and again. and again.

Now, I understand that this means – “THAT”- “I WANT THAT — NOW!” – “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU IDIOTS!? GIVE ME WHAT I’M POINTING AT – NOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWW!!!!”

All adults within earshot fight the fierce urge to scream back at him and say “Are you F-ing kidding me!? Stop screaming already! Where in the world did you learn to yell like that! You don’t see us screaming at each other like that do you?”

Can you imagine? “MAAAAARRRRRRCCCCCC!!!!! GET ME SOME COFFEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOWWWWWW!!!!! COFFEE. ME. NOW. COFFEE!!! COFFEE!!! COFFEE!!! COFFEE!!! COFFEE!!! COFFEE!!!”

The will power of the newly crowned toddler is something to behold and to fear. But, we are holding strong. We continue to respond with:

“Oh… do you want something?”

“Really?… OK… let me help you with that.”

And then roll our eyes at each other and silently wish for speech to find its way from his brain to his lips.

Tonight, after my parents left for the night, he was in a ridiculously good mood, and while we were playing on the living room floor he held up his leggo-man to Marc and gave his signature command of:

“DAH! AAAAAHHHHH! DAH DAH DAH!!!!”

Marc happened to be sitting near the lamp in the living room, so, I – being able to speak walnut-brain-toddlerease – translated to Marc that it was the child’s desire to have the leggo-man held up into the light of the lamp and then when the child gave word – the leggo-man was to be returned to the child as quickly as humanly possible.

This was indeed the correct translation, and when said leggo-man was returned to the child after being held in the light of the lamp, the child replied with:

“Aaaaaah.”

Listening: Grizzly Bear