Baby Blase

I have to remind myself every day that the ONLY thing I need to do is breathe (thanks Meadow). Everything else is choice.

Back-up a few months to summer 2007 to find two people about to turn 32, having the last of many conversations about being “ready” to have children. They decide they will never be “ready” in the pastel pink-and-blue-polkadot-splosion way that the baby magazines make you think you should feel. These people have a pretty great life - who on earth would want some screaming alien coming into that to ruin everything!? But, they do want to share their life with another small human or two so, why not now? It doesn’t take long…a few days, really. I know - that makes us very lucky. But, it also made for the shocking realization of staring at a “yes” on The Stick when you were prepared for at least a few months of fun. That was 9 weeks ago today. Since then we’ve experienced (and I say “we” because even though I was dealing with the physical discomfort, Marc was dealing with ME) coffee withdrawal, nausea all-day-everyday, no vomiting - thank goodness, no real cravings - but, aversions to all things culinary that used to be obsessions of mine, and my new-found fondness for sweets. We’re doing much better now and finally settling into the idea - the life-altering decision we’ve made - to have a child.

The hardest aspect of all of this anticipation is fighting the urge to think/plan/worry about the entirety of our new responsibility all rolled into one. As soon as we “knew” I took every moment I could to think/plan/worry simultaneously about the sleep deprivation, tears, screams, diapers, potty training, cuts, bruises, broken bones, college tuition… yes, all the scary aspects of this kid’s life and what would become of ours. What happened to all of that work I’ve done on living in the moment!? Slowly I have regained my calm to realize that this, along with everything else in life, is part of the adventure. And that, we can handle this.

Written while listening to: Okkervil River